For a while now, I have thought about opening up a column for questions and answers, particularly because I love to read question and answer columns on other blogs. I can spend hours doing so. I received an email from a frantic lady that has been reading my blog (particularly the relationship column). She sent me this email about issues she's been having in her relationship to seek my advice on it. I asked her for permission to share with my lovely readers and she gave me the go ahead. So here it is guys. My first official "Ask Lady G"!!
I would like to start this letter off by saying I love your blog. I read it almost everyday and learn something new. You're a really good writer. I've read a lot of your relationship column and it seems you have a good understanding of relationships, so i'm wondering if you can help me. I have been dating a man for a few years and I love him very much. I believe he loves me very much too, but there is a problem. He does not seem to get me. Whenever we have a conversation, he speaks and I listen, of course I do object in the heat of the conversation, but I always hear him, apologize for my wrong and work on myself to be better for him.
The problem is he does not do the same for me. When I try to talk, he always tries to prove that he is wiser and that my concerns are simply irrelevant. He makes me feel like I'm stupid for caring about some things and I should stop looking at life certain ways. His claim is that he is doing it out of love. We always seem to fight because of one thing or the other. Not to mention we have completely different views on life and totally different goals. I know the normal thing to do would be to break up with him and find someone else, but we have invested so much in our relationship. We both love one another unconditionally and not to mention our friends think we are the perfect couple. I have tried over and over again to talk to him about the issue, and tell him how much I am hurting in our relationship, but he just sweet talks me and shrugs it off. Leaving me feeling unheard and not understood. I know that I am not perfect at all, but I believe in the saying that there is someone out there for everyone, someone that will compensate for all your flaws, and do things you love no matter how stupid just to see you happy. I'm starting to feel like maybe I found the wrong one. It's not all bad, we do have some good times, but the bad seems to overshadow the good. I've been with a man that always cared about what i thought, and how I felt, I was stupid to ruin the relationship. My relationship now doesn't feel like that. Am I just over thinking things? What should I do?
Hi reader. Thank you for reading my blog. It means a lot to me that you deemed me wise enough to help you. Unfortunately I do not have the answer you are probably looking for. I just want you to ask yourself a few things. Has he always been this way? Did it just start? Is it just a phase? Is he passing through something? Are you being reasonable?... These are all question I encourage you to ask yourself and answer them. I might not be a relationship expert but I do know one thing about relationships. One must always feel secure and sure of who they are with. Couples pass through phases all the time, some times are better than others. One month the two of you are so madly in love you can't keep your hands off one another, the next month you are going through stressors and don't love your partner so much at the moment. But through all those phases they go through, their love and assurance for one another does not change. They understand that it is simply a phase and it is not a means for separation.
You say that he does not listen to you, or take you seriously. If this is something that he has always done, then its time to sit down ask yourself whether this is something you are willing to deal with. I am not going to yell (leave his ass girl!! You deserve better!), no way. I believe every woman knows her worth, and every woman is mature enough to decide her fate. Perhaps you have not communicated it with him well, that could possibly be the case. I would then recommend that you should show him this letter you have written me, and give him a day to soak it in and think about it. For a man that loves you, that would be more than loud enough for him to hear. Like I told you before, there must always be security and assurance in every "healthy" relationship. If you are not feeling that way, and need to ask an outside source whether you should stay or not, then I think that right there is a clue. I wish you luck, and hope that you are able to make a decision that will be best for you.
P.S. I would be happier if the two of you love one another and could work it out. I'm team loove! :)