Story One
I have a cousin who graduated from medical school, moved out of her parent's house and bought her own house when she started practicing. All of my aunties were upset about it. They kept repeating things like "why would you move out of your parents house?", "what man will marry you after this", "don't you know you are scaring away potential husbands, men don't like the idea of a very independent woman!", and so on. Needless to say, they were right about that. She's in her great 30s now, and unmarried. I recently ran into her, and she couldn't stop speaking on the fact that no man has proposed to marry her yet. She said how all the men she runs into are either gold diggers looking for a come up, or not wanting to settle down with her because she is "too successful".
Story two.
My aunty and uncle have been married for 20 plus years. My aunty is the breadwinner of the house.
She wakes up early every morning for work while my uncle still sleeps, and comes home stressed and tired everyday. My aunty has done everything to help my uncle shine. She pays money into his account for him to pay the bills. Whenever they buy a car, she gives him the money to do so instead of her doing it. She opened up a business in his name. Built him lots of investments. All this so that he can appear as the breadwinner. But for some reason none of this is enough for him. He always terrorizes her, abuses, and degrades her. All because she is more successful than him and he can not take it.
She wakes up early every morning for work while my uncle still sleeps, and comes home stressed and tired everyday. My aunty has done everything to help my uncle shine. She pays money into his account for him to pay the bills. Whenever they buy a car, she gives him the money to do so instead of her doing it. She opened up a business in his name. Built him lots of investments. All this so that he can appear as the breadwinner. But for some reason none of this is enough for him. He always terrorizes her, abuses, and degrades her. All because she is more successful than him and he can not take it.
These are my two stories. Two stories that I just can't understand why. Why is it such a problem for our Nigerian men to see their wives shine? Why is a Nigerian man's biggest fear and sign of failure having a wife that makes more than him? In Houston Texas the city I live alone, my fingers are not enough to count the number of men that are killing their wives because of her success.
On my BBM I occasionally put up questions and ask for people's thought and opinions on them. Yesterday I put up a question saying "Why are Nigerian men so outraged at the thought of their wives making more money than them?". Now I have to pause and make this clear before someone will come with their hurt feeling and say "How can you generalize", this does not apply to all Nigerian men, just a large group of them. Alright let's continue... Needless to say I wasn't shocked by the responses I got. Some people said things like "It is because of the stupid mentality and stupid behavior that the woman WILL put on if she is making more money"( you go fear prophesy skills oh, abi you dey see into the future now?), while other men gave answers like "I really don't mind, as long as it doesn't get to her head and cause her insult me".
Well this is all I have to say. As a man it is okay if you can not afford to make ends meet. If you are fortunate enough to have a hardworking wife who is willing to labor for the family, then why would you want to suppress that? I feel like the whole idea of once a woman starts making more money she begins to insult a man, is just a saying made up by a group of insecure fellows. Of course it does happen, and I am not at all saying that women are always innocent. But, I feel like most of it is all in the guy's head. His pride and ego is already hurt, so anything his wife does he automatically feels that "is it because she makes more money than me?" The problems that arise from these situations in our society are truly alarming. Abi you want make your family starve to death than see your wife shine? Believe it or not some men prefer it that way! They would rather their family manage a dollar a day, and know that it came from the, than see their wives make more.
I really want to know what kind of reasoning Nigeria is instilling in our young men? For any young married, or unmarried man reading this; it is absolutely okay for your wife to make more money than you! It is absolutely okay for her to help pay the bills. If you are at a time in your life that things are difficult, and your wife seems to be doing well, encourage and uplift her, and you will see yourself rise as well. Not having money does not take away your manhood. Fighting a useless battle that ends up dividing your home will! Think about it.
Does anyone else share a different opinion? Let's hear it.
On my BBM I occasionally put up questions and ask for people's thought and opinions on them. Yesterday I put up a question saying "Why are Nigerian men so outraged at the thought of their wives making more money than them?". Now I have to pause and make this clear before someone will come with their hurt feeling and say "How can you generalize", this does not apply to all Nigerian men, just a large group of them. Alright let's continue... Needless to say I wasn't shocked by the responses I got. Some people said things like "It is because of the stupid mentality and stupid behavior that the woman WILL put on if she is making more money"( you go fear prophesy skills oh, abi you dey see into the future now?), while other men gave answers like "I really don't mind, as long as it doesn't get to her head and cause her insult me".
Well this is all I have to say. As a man it is okay if you can not afford to make ends meet. If you are fortunate enough to have a hardworking wife who is willing to labor for the family, then why would you want to suppress that? I feel like the whole idea of once a woman starts making more money she begins to insult a man, is just a saying made up by a group of insecure fellows. Of course it does happen, and I am not at all saying that women are always innocent. But, I feel like most of it is all in the guy's head. His pride and ego is already hurt, so anything his wife does he automatically feels that "is it because she makes more money than me?" The problems that arise from these situations in our society are truly alarming. Abi you want make your family starve to death than see your wife shine? Believe it or not some men prefer it that way! They would rather their family manage a dollar a day, and know that it came from the, than see their wives make more.
I really want to know what kind of reasoning Nigeria is instilling in our young men? For any young married, or unmarried man reading this; it is absolutely okay for your wife to make more money than you! It is absolutely okay for her to help pay the bills. If you are at a time in your life that things are difficult, and your wife seems to be doing well, encourage and uplift her, and you will see yourself rise as well. Not having money does not take away your manhood. Fighting a useless battle that ends up dividing your home will! Think about it.
Does anyone else share a different opinion? Let's hear it.
I love dis LadyG. You really spoke truth here. The situations in Nigeria especially has gt me asking "where are the men"? Men need to put more energy into being men, than pulling down a woman who is working hard to help dem.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anon. Here on gabychronicles the truth must always prevail!
DeleteOne thing i've always said when it comes to power/privilege, regardless of the specific area, is that those with the power fear that if the underdog gains power they will eventually behave the same way that those who had the power did. You'll notice the biggest complaint men tend to have about their wife making more money is that basically the wife will treat them the husband the same way the husband previously treated the wife. If you and your spouse were in a true partnership and respected one another, there shouldn't ever be cause for you to fear that you'll be made to feel a certain way if the 'power dynamics" shifts.
ReplyDeleteLadyNgo why are you so wise? We need to be friends because the two of us always seem to reason alike. You're such a breath of fresh air and wisdom in this crumbling society. Thank you for your contribution and incredible insight!
DeleteXOXO
"I feel like the whole idea of once a woman starts making more money she begins to insult a man, is just a saying made up by a group of insecure fellows."
ReplyDeleteHi Lady Gee.. oh! How It is always a Delight to read or view something from you! I lovveee you plenRRy! I do not quite agree with the extract from your post above!
You see ehn Nne.. I lived in Nigeria for the 24 years 3 months.. and i know what i have seen. A man is made by the ALMIGHTY CREATOR.. to TILL the ground to feed his family.. and trust me Nne.. a man's inability to do so leaves him hurting without cure. Yes! many of us are insecure.. but Nne.. There is nothing worse than when your woman looks down on you! I know you might say "Money wont make women do so".. But they do.. Unconciously... Slowly but surely measuring their man with other men.
I pray for my wife to be a huge success.. But i pray more that we grow together,.. My wealth and hers.. and not that one of us.. me nor her.. be stuck financially or mentally. When i was 15.. I Broke up with my first Girlfriend cause she was wayyy smarter than me in Chemistry.. #NaiveMuch i know.. but my point is.. Its how we are wired Lady gee.. To be on top.. In Sex.. In life.. and in Love. Blessings!
lol okay ooh. nah you sabi.
Delete